Reflection | 2009

Wow, where do I begin?…..

This year was full of ups and downs, highs and lows, accomplishments and disappointments…but most of all, it was a year of “new beginnings” for many aspects of my life.

First, and foremost, I found what I truly wanted in life. My standards for who I wanted to be with in life, when it came to love and friendship, definitely went up a few notches. Those people needed to understand who “I was and wanted to be”, and they needed to respect. It took a little time to weed out all the garbage friendships/relationships I had from previous years, and now I know that I have really started to surround myself with all the right people that know who I AM.

Coming into 2009, I thought I knew what love was, I thought I found it…but only a few shorts months into 2009, I was truly wrong. I thought I knew what it was like to be loved in return, but it all turned out to be fake and a true lie. It took me totally by surprise, BUT strength & self-esteem kept my head high, and I pushed through the battle of being heartbroken….Ive done it before I can do it again.

With downfall always comes self-success if dedication and motivation are hand-in-hand. I took my bodybuilding focus to new heights. Putting all my mental energy in trying to be the best I can be, focusing on a awesome goal of getting on-stage multiple times in 2009…and I achieved that. Competing in 3 contests over a 6 month prep span. I can call that definite self-achievement, and win for myself….negative aspect of all that….LESS $$$$$!! cost me a crapload!

BUT with many success comes some aspects that might not be so positive. What did I develop from these experiences that weren’t so positive? Well, over the last few months I learned that I became a very cold & unemotional individual. A good thing? That all depends on the situation. For the last half-year, my mindset was ‘be a bodybuilder’, and to be a bodybuilder you must train your mind to block out all negativity that does NOT need to be on your plate. You are to focus on your goals, routine, plan of action, and think about ONLY yourself.

“Bodybuilding is much like any other sport. To be successful, you must dedicate yourself 100% to your training, diet and mental approach.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger

“If you want to be a champion you can’t have any kind of outside negative coming in to affect you.â€� – Arnold Schwarzenegger

Well, with the combination of that, and my heart being broken at the beginning of the year, became an emotional destructive thing for myself in a way. I became a person that I somewhat feared….one that isn’t communicative in every situation. If things were TOO much for me to handle or deal with, from another person, I’d just cut off, become cold and not really care if the problem wasn’t worth putting on my plate. It took a really special person to finally make & help me realize this about myself, cause I was blind to it all! I had to relearn myself, and I’m still in the process of doing so…..thanx to my love, Stephanie xoxo, I’m learning to be a ‘bodybuilder’ that can still handle real-life outside diet & training.

I never thought in a thousand years that Id find love that loved me back….and REALLY loved me back. You sometimes when you’ve had a relationship in the past it was sort of a “ya ya ya i love you ya ya”-type feeling. We’ve all had em, but I never thought Id be with someone that wanted to TRY for me, and NOT GIVE-UP on me. I wasn’t used to that, not at all. I’m starting to see myself growing old with someone finally. Starting to see more kids in my future. Starting to see ‘life’ in general….

I met SO many awesome new people in 2009, that I’m very pleased to say will always be part of my life. ALL positive beings, all great friends, and I can’t wait for all experiences we will all share with each other in the future. The only sad thing is that I feel cheated that we all met now instead of years and years ago. Better late then never right? 🙂

2009 also had many career changing instances for myself. In March I left my job of 2.5 years for a new higher-paying gig, but then was laid-off in August, then found myself amazingly scoring a new employment 10min away from my residence with a major military contractor company only 5 weeks after being let go in August. It wasn’t stress-free though, let me tell ya….I was trying to push my personal training services more and more, and only getting a few bites here n there, due to the fact people were cutting back on fitness expenses that they didn’t need. Money was gettin lower n lower, and I was on the brink of moving away from Monterey because of it. But, I left it to God to let happen what he had in store for me. In the end, he gave me a gift 🙂

This year was a test for me. God put me through every mental and emotional test. Money, love, career, family, all of them came at me this year. Did I pass each test? I dunno, but I can say that I didn’t quit on any of them. I had my highs/lows on each, and I know that when they were at their lowest I fought through it, and it didn’t break me down to 0.

Let 2010 be another set of tests that will challenge my strength….mentally, physically and now emotionally.

Wish everyone the best 2010! Let’s get em!